Would you keep this grandparent away from your child?
My dad was never very good with kids. To be honest, he was never very good with anyone. He’s had a few friends that stayed with him over the years, but most of the friends he’s had have ditched him because of his attitude. He was the only boy out of 4 kids, and my grandmother spoiled him to death. He always got what he wanted, and to this day, they always tell him what he wants to hear, despite whether it’s right or wrong, simply to ‘keep the peace’ in the family. I think this effort to “keep the peace” is in fact what made and kept him selfish!
I have lots of memories with my dad; the bad outnumber the good. He could be quite generous at Christmas, birthdays, etc…but everything he ever gave always came with strings attached. Even the rocking horse I got at 5 was brought up in a speech of “I gave you everything, so you have to do what I tell you” when I was 21!
He paid for my college, but not in the way you think. He was in the Marines when he was younger and got injured somehow, and that qualified me to go to college with lots of fee waivers from the VA (we only had to pay for was parking permits, books, and supplies; no unit fees, etc.). But despite what he made, for some reason, the VA said I couldn’t make over the poverty line; so I couldn’t get a job and earn enough money to rent my own place. I lived with my grandma (his mom) for the first half of college, and with my dad and stepmom for the 2nd half. So, regardless of the actual “portion” he put towards my college, my dad has indeed given me a lot.
The problem is his attitude and his selfishness. He always had a hatred towards my mom, and as I grew up, he always said mean things about her to me when it was ‘his weekend’ (I would go home angry at my mom for something he told me). He would call me and my stepmom “his chop-chops”; he came up with it from the term “get to it; chop chop!”…he said it like we were slaves, and he treated us like slaves! He thought it was funny; I found it insulting. I hated serving him in bed as a teen, but I did it…as long as he didn’t call me chop-chop. And if I refused, he banished me to my room for the rest of the weekend.
I was a tomboy, and when I stayed with him one summer, he sent to me charm school! I played the piano (the only form of “child support” he ever paid was my piano lessons), and he bought a piano for his house…and he used to plan dinner parties, and he’d make me eat before the guests arrived so I could sit down and play the piano during dinner.
My stepsister had a daughter at 16. My stepmom stopped working so that she could stay home all day and watch her granddaughter while my stepsister went through college. My dad worked from home a lot, so he spent a lot of time with her. But he was never really the ‘inviting’ type towards kids. He stayed away overall, but if she walked up to him and asked him something, he’d chat with her for a while. But he also like to play games; games in which I always found insulting and inappropriate. Until my step-niece was about 7, she literally believed that my dad was a “king”. He thought it was cute and funny to tell her he was a king and she was his servant, but he actually convinced her that he was. My stepmom served him meals in bed and did all the work around the house, and in an effort to avoid him, on many occasions, she had her granddaughter take the meals in for him in bed, like she was a servant. In preschool, her first arts’n’crafts project was making a paper crown, and she brought it home to him for him to wear.
He’s just so selfish. Months before I graduated high school, he refused to come to my graduation if my mom was going to be there (“I don’t want to be in the same room as that woman!”). I begged him for months, and I even double checked before I gave his seat away. My grandmother called me the day OF my graduation and said “Call your dad, I think he’s changed his mind!”. HE didn’t call me; my grandma did. And he didn’t apologize or ask to go, he said “I’ll come, but you have to keep that B**** away from me!”. He threw a temporary fit when I told him there was only one ticket for him and not one for my stepmom; it was a small gymnasium with limited seats, and I had to fight for the extra tickets we had! He ended up coming and it was a good night; he acted fine in front of my mom!
2 years ago, I was getting married. I had moved out of his house and in with my boyfriend months before, and we didn’t part on the best terms, but we were atleast on speaking terms. He swore he wouldn’t come, just like at my graduation, claiming I was “making him uncomfortable for him on purpose by inviting 3 wives”: my mom, my former stepmom, and my current stepmom. He didn’t show up at my wedding.
Dang it! It cut it off! I watched the “you have XX characters left” and it did NOT go over! WTH!?
The main point of this question is simply this: Would YOU want to expose your child to this?
I see so many people on here telling others, despite what their parents did to them as kids, there’s no reason to keep their grandchildren away from them (“Children NEED their grandparents!”). But it’s hard to believe that anyone would truly want/expect my to expose my child to my father. He’s so selfish and arrogant. He mentally abuses people; talks down and insults them so that he can feel better about himself.