What’s more important the wedding or the marriage?

I’ve been very blessed to be married for almost 10 years now. God did well when he created my husband just for me.

Here is why I’m asking my question. My friend has known her fiance for 32 years. They actually grew up together on the same block. They’ve been a courting couple for almost 3 years, and have been engaged since February. They are both 100% debt free. They own their house mortgage free, own their cars, zero credit card debt, and have zero student loan debt. My friend is an RN (bachelors degree), and her fiance is a Physicians Assistant (Bachelors Degree).

Shortly after they got engaged, they decided to have a small, but very tasteful wedding. My friends decided to pay for their own wedding, since their parents are on fixed incomes. Their budget was $ 10,000. They decided they would only have 30 guests. Both sets of parents wanted them to invite their friends (parents) and extended family members. My friend & her fiance discussed it, and told their parents no. Both of sets of parents were furious about it. My friend & her fiance told their parents it’s THEIR wedding, THEIR money, and THEIR guest list. They weren’t going to budge on this issue. Now my friend & her fiance aren’t speaking to their parents. Both sets of parents are hurt because their children won’t give in. Neither set of parents ever offered to pay for the extra guests that they wanted.

Yesterday, my friend received another voice mail message from her mother telling her that she’s being an ungracious daughter. My friend is angry. Her parents raised her to be thrifty when it comes to money. She paid for her own college education with student loans, and she’s worked her butt off to get out of debt. My friend & her fiance refuse to go into debt just for a wedding. It’s just ONE day out of your life.

My friend & her fiance have cancelled their tasteful wedding in favor of eloping. Their parents are angered over their decision to cancel their wedding. But they are united in their decision to keep their parents from taking over their wedding. They are getting married on their 3rd anniversary as a couple, which happens to fall on 10/10/10. I commend my friend & her fiance by sticking to their decisions. As much as it bothers their families, to them their marriage is the most important thing of all. I completely agree with them.

So: What’s more important the wedding or the marriage? If you have a similar story, please share it. Please be polite, thanks.

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