My mom keeps asking for money…what should I do?
I know that people have asked this question before, but I was hoping some different answers.
I moved out of mom’s house about 4 or 5 years ago. When I was living there with her, I helped her pay off all her debt (hospital bills, mortgage, unpaid utilities, etc…). She has her own business at home that doesn’t completely cover all the bills. After I moved out, I was still giving her money whenever she asked for it…$ 200 here…$ 900 there. Last year she could not work at all due to a disability. I worked throughout the semesters at college and worked 70 hours a week during the summer to support her. She got better, but not fully…enough that she could work again. She finally received disability money but it still doesn’t cover the monthly bills for her. So I still give here money ever few months. To this point, I have given her enough money to have been able to pay off my own debts. I haven’t been counting, but it’s been well over 10 grand over the last 6 years. I have student loans, credit cards (some of which I have used for repairs on her car, and her mortgage). I hate doing this, but when I don’t have enough I ask my fiance for some money to give to her. I have an okay paying job as an intern, but besides those bills we just bought a house. Also, I am planning a wedding. There are several other things that I need to get to take care of myself, but have delayed in getting those (primarily new glasses, contacts, other medical stuff). I can’t afford health insurance. I have told her many times to get rid of cable and internet, to quick smoking just so she can use it for the mortgage. I think those things are luxuries and I don’t have them. But she always says that she doesn’t have anyone to talk to at home and she’s lonely without the tv and internet. She’s told me that she feels terrible for always having to ask her daughter for the money and has cried many times for it. She’s told me that she feels ashamed for having to do this. I know that she’s my mom and I owe her my life, but I’m just so tired from working my fingers to the bone for her. When I mention that she should get a job, she said that probably no one will hire her. I’m tired of doing badly at college because I am always working so many hours to be able to give her money. I’m tired of not being able to buy myself nice things even though I have a decent paying job. I’m tired of having to choose giving her money instead of paying my owns debts off. I’m graduating next month and I’m worried that she will start asking for money more often then. She’s an adult and adults deal with their own problems. I want to tell her no, but I would feel too guilty to do so. Please tell me your thoughts.