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- June 17, 2011 at 9:17 am #342805
I’ve been on the dating scene since August. Well I’ve dated only three men since than, yeah whoa right? The first one I dated, he spoke of marriage to soon, indications ( I can’t wait til you become my wife and til this day he still has strong fillings for me) Man he wanted to buy everything for me cause he just wanted to do so. Than I met someone during the week of the 17th dummy me decided to break up with him for another. What happen with this one? We barely knew each other for one and he is young (however I do have three kids). I was embarrassed to see him in his cowboy hat rodeo style clothing. (only if you knew my family is all I can say)
I ruined that one due to I was trying to change him and I realized it too late. Anyway moving on our first fight we had he called his mama and well his mom came and got him, took him home to Idaho. WOW! I never lost a guy to a mother before. That was on September 3rd when he went home to his mama.
Now I have a guy who only allowed me to cry for that particular day. Since the 3rd we were being playful towards each other for a few days. So when the 7th came around I asked him “what are we doing” He replys “I don’t know I know we are being playful” So being a little weird I wrote him a letter indicating what I was feeling well I just had strong feelings for him that day. So he read it and than he wrote a poem on his myspace I read it. Since than we have been seeing each other.
Now futhermore into what I want to explain here… My current guy I’ve been seeing since 7th of September. Our beginning month has been wonderful really wonderful. Playful, making each other laugh, smile, we hugged each other alot and kissed, cuddled and so on. In the month of October that was hell for us really. He got test results back that he was a daddy to a baby boy ever since than our relationship has been on a rollercoaster ride.
He does have a temper, I mean he has a temper he tells me the only way to release that is doing something physical. Now what does that mean? He doesnt want to open up to me at all because hes afraid of getting crushed, hurt or betrayed. Does it help when I worry way too much about what hes doing or why did you take so long, who you talking to. Thats what I do and I try not to but Ive been hurt way too many times like he has and yea, I have to admit I’ve never been so jealous in my life until I met him. He holds grudges against me as well ( I found that out last night that), but he also says that I old grudges on him as well particuarly against his anger. How do I do that? Holding a grudge what does that mean? He explained it to me that when I mention his anger like this way ” I can’t express anything to you cause I dont know if you will get angry” or ” I dont know how to talk to you cause I dont know what will set you off” Now I do say those phrases to him cause I dont know how to talk to him without making him feel like I’m pushing him to open up, or without making him feel sorry.
Now we are still together Im amazed we hung in there this long. Most men run when we have we hit rock bottom. Futhermore his first day at work was yesterday. His was scheduled for 8 to 5 am to pm. He decides to get online about 8ish at night. Now he writes me on myspace tells me that his work plans on keeping him til 9 at night and he tells me that he wont be home til 11:30 or midnight. Hmmm the odd part is that he was also online with yahoo messenger too but he logged off real quick. I think he realized I was on. Last night I only through an attitude because he had my food card and I didnt want to go food shopping late at night. Which I didnt by the way it was too late and dark. Now does your job keep you more than your scheduled on the first day? This morning we got into it again over a buss pass (we share one) I told him that I wanted to use the buss pass to go food shopping he yelled “Im sorry its on only way to work” I felt bad because after he left I realized that I was going to let him use it anyway to get to work and back.
He has to provide for us and Im scared that he wont pull through. Its hard to leave him cause he had a help in losing my section 8 as well. I knew the risk of keeping him here but he also knew the risk of staying here with me. Now I have to start paying full rent come the first month of the new year. What do I do? I just want to be loved and accepted. Gosh cant one of my relationships work out. Will there be a happy ending after I put all out meaning Im giving all my heart to my current one and I’m affraid of getting hurt and crushed. He has the nerve to ask me. You better think long and hard on what you want. When he is not sure if he is truly in love with me and he is not sure if this is what he wants. How do i react to his morning question. When he himself doesnt know that either.
Sorry for the long commute hopefully somebody will actually read it and give some good advice
ok How do you know you are being used or played? I never used my kids as an issue for not finding someone to accept them.
My boyfriend is good with my kids, I see his good days and his bad days. Although I may write as it is happening all the time but thats not the case here. I was trying to really ask is how do I answer him. “I’m tired of feeling sorry for the things I do, You better think long and hard on what you want” Is that telling me he really wants to be with me now? I asked him before if he is in love with me as much as I am in love with him. He said ” I love you but not in love with you and I dont know if this is what I want” Now if he doesnt know yet how can he ask me that? I know I made feel like hes sorry over food stamp card, and a buss pass but buss is no explaination that shoudnt have happened. But when there was limited food in the house already. Can you understand why I got so frustrated when he walked in the door at 20 to 1 am? Hes my first guy I’ve ever dated that has a thick ass steal wall in front of it. He feels that I push him to open up and I dont want to loose him.
How do I talk to a guy who doesnt know how to express his emotions. When he was taught not to express his emotions. I love him dearly as my kids love him also they accepted him as their dad. My oldest calls him you my step dad I want you to be my dad. And my youngest is one she calls him daddy. My son is my son my boy was the only male I had for three years until recently. But he too accepts my boyfriend as well. However hes great with them but they dont want to listen to him either. Is this a red flagger? I dont want to push another guy away when It could be something great in the end. But I do put my kids first always do. Its just hard being alone at the heart is all.
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