Children being used as pawn in my divorce……?

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    • #345213
      Anonymous
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      My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. We have never had a great marriage but it’s never been what I’d call bad. We’ve had major tradgey in our lives such as we both lost younger siblings in accidents (both siblings were 17 in separate accidents). We have lived through good and bad but we’ve never hurt one another.

      After 23 years of being with my wife and after 23 years of being 100% faithful, I found her cheating on me in April of 2009. I was horrified as anyone is when they catch this. I have said my entire life that if I ever caught my spouse cheating that would be it, no questions. Well, I learned that love and life aren’t always that easy. I forgave her but as you may imagine I had lost total trust in her and I also had lost respect.

      I spent the summer looking for additional affairs and I’m 99% sure I caught her in another one. Well, I lost my job in June (I make well over 6 figures and in this economy I can’t find anything comparable). Our finances are a complete mess for the first time in either of our lives. We have always prided ourselves on our ability to maintain a perfect credit score, pay bills on time etc…

      Well, after her cheating on me, I knew our marriage was doomed but with our financial situation I knew we’d have to ride it out as we can not afford for me to move out and start adding expenses such as me a place to stay, increased insurance etc….

      Well, I got the divorce papers and she’s asking to keep the home, maintain custody of our 3 sons etc. Well, my sister is out of the cournty working for 6 months and she has a small apartment she said I could use until she returns. I then had a nervous breakdown (self diagnosed) and I started calling my wife daily, stopping by to ask to try to make it work etc etc etc….

      She filed a domestic violence protective order and I admitted myself into the hosptial for evaluation where I learned that I was simply overwhelmed with the whole situation. My wifes family has money and to be honest, until recently they have always treated more like a son than a son in law.

      They are very well off and have agreed to pay her half of all of our expenses (her half) in order to keep her in our home. I have no problem with her staying in the home but with our debt issue I will be asked to pay out $ 2000 more each month than I make after child support. I simply can’t do this as I have no additional source of revenue and I work around 65 hours per week now.

      She has hidden $ 67k from me and has changed the password on all of our bank accounts so I have no access to them. I have no way of seeing any of my personal banking statements etc…

      I would even like to change my beneficiary on my life insurance policies but I can’t get to them either.

      I admit I was the money maker and I allowed her way too much freedom to set this up. Our checking account is in HER name because we just moved to a new city and I simply was out of town when we moved and never took the time to add my name. My lawyer insists this is no biggie since it’s obviously marital property.

      2 major issues. She asked for a divorce and I balked and through heartache I got a high priced lawyer thinking it would make her change her mind. I know, stupid move but when you are out of your head in grief and frustration you do dumb things.

      Now, we’ve not seen one another in 3 months and to be honest, I’ve seen so much out of this woman in the 3 months apart that I had overlooked (intentionally) for years that I truly do not love her at all any longer. With that said, I would like to maintain a friendly/civil relationship so our kids lives can be as normal as possible. This is what she wanted until I got the lawyer. Now to “get me back” she is doing anything she can to keep them from seeing or speaking to me. When we separated I asked for only one thing..Please have them contact me as often as possible. When I left the youngest one 8, thought the sun set on my back. She adored me and it was obvioius she may have chosen me as the prefered parent. No big deal, she just was a daddies girl but she showed a tremendous amount of love for her mother (who has been a fantastic mother up to this point).

      Now both kids are very distant to me (on the few occasions when I see them) and it is painfully obvious that both are being lied to about me. Please read this with an open mind. You don’t know me I understand that and I could be lying on here but what value would that bring. My wife doesn’t love me and she knows that our small town is going to eventually find out about her affair with the “other man”.. I have told NOBODY about this. Can you imagine how hard it is to keep your mouth shut after catching your wife cheating and to be treated like a 3rd class citizen by your wife’s mother and father and members of our community when you know 100% they don’t know what caused me to “lose my mind”. I simply didn’t want it to get out and my kids find out.

      Regardless, she had hid $ 67k from



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