can an old friendship be saved or is it not even worth it?
I’m a very shy girl and so i have very few friends. Here recently my longest running friend had been acting very curt and disrespectful to me. She once told me she only hangs out with me when there’s nothing better to do but i figured it was just a teenage thing to say and that she’d grow out of that since we are now 23. she just moved back to this state a few months ago and we were dying to see each other even though she was only gone about four months. but i noticed she wasn’t texting me at all and when i would text her she would give me short or even rude answers as if i was bothering her even though id only text about once a week. once I texted her to tell her i figured i could save money if i began to make all of me and my baby’s clothes, she texted back “don’t” when i asked why she texted “pfft. Your F’n stupid if you think you can do that. If i can’t, you deff can’t so don’t even try.” it seemed to me that no matter what i said she would say something mean to me.
Then one day i called her in tears, which i have seriously never done before because I’m always the one everyone else comes to. i was telling her that I’m drowning in debt because I’m a single mom with no license and no car and if i get a job i wouldn’t be able to afford a babysitter and i don’t even have a car to get to the job in the first place. I wanted to know if she thought it might be possible for me to get some kind of aid from the government just to get me to a place where i can manage things on my own. So i can get a car to get the job to support myself. she went on this huge raging rant at me about how people like me “make her sick” and that I’m trying to take money away from “people who actually need it.” i told her that she didn’t have to say it like that, that i thought i did need it, im nearly 10,000 in debt from just trying to pay basic bills like heat and electricity, that i wanted to give my child a good life and she told me i was a “dead beat who just wants to sit on her ass and let the government take care of your kid.” i told her i thought that was nonsense because dead beats don’t raise a healthy, advance IQ, child on their own while working odd jobs when they come up as well as working to get my PHD in library and information sciences and that i didn’t think it was the governments job to take care of my child but i know it’s my job and i know I’m not doing good at all financially.
I’m negative $ 500 a month, every month; in bills and just keep slipping further in debt and getting help was the best solution i could find. She told me to “F off” that she needs the help more than i do, even though she has no children and had a half scholarship to northeastern and five years of management experience but decided to quit the job and school in order to work at a department store for minimum wage so she could be closer to a boyfriend that ended up dumping her two weeks later and now has to work three minimum wage jobs to support herself because he said he was going to move in with her and pay half the bills which he obviously didn’t and she couldn’t do it on her own. My other friends told me that she was just mad and jealous because i can apply for aid and she probably couldn’t get it. That she’s angry over what she essentially did to herself and that she’ll apologize later on but i just noticed she deleted me as her friend on all the social network things we are on together and the fight was almost a month ago. I didn’t even say anything to her when we were on the phone. I just kept saying that I’m trying hard but it’s not getting me anywhere, that I feel stuck and she kept screaming about how I’m a terrible person and then hung up and yet I heard that she thinks that i need to apologize to her. I am just wondering, she has been my friend since kindergarten and I’m a little afraid of losing one of the few friends i have, is there a way to save the friendship? Also, should i even want to? Everyone keeps telling me that a real friend wouldn’t say those things to me, that they would want to help me and be there for me not yell at me and criticize me. Are they right? Is it a friendship that is even worth saving? Or is she right? Am I a bad person for wanting to get help? If my friend from kindergarten thinks I’m a “deadbeat” am i? Is that how everyone would see me if I tried to get help? Was she right to be angry at me for considering it?
i know my post is long enough but i feel like i must explaine one thing. i didnt decide to have a baby while in this bad situation i am in. i was engaged to a man i had been with for nearly five years and we both had jobs. he had two and i was working getting about 1,000 a week. i ended up with a baby by a weird probability problem. i was on birth control and we still used condoms and were both very schoked to find out i was pregnant the doctor told us its like a one in a million chance so we should feel lucky. after that my former fiance dropped off the face of the earth. i can’t find him. i have family but they are not in a position to help me and i can’t get my old job back or one like it becasue i dont have a ride to work and i dont have the money to pay some one to watch my child. thats how i ended up in the debt becasue even though i couldnt work i still had to pay my bills. i didnt start out that way and think, gee it will be fun to have a baby.